Ranting and raving

I rant, therefore I am. Dennis Miller

This post is addressed to the victim-bashers, who rub salt unto my already painful wounds; the gas-lighters who think I am making a mountain out of a molehill; the deniers, who brush things under the carpet and the good-intentioned, who are paving the road to hell.

When I usually write, I try to stay quite poised and rational, but today, I need to get a few things of my chest.

Let’s get started.

  1. No, he wasn’t JUST an arsehole! He was a COLD, CRUEL and CALCULATING arsehole, who had Narcissistic Personality Disorder and slowly and methodically tried to destroy me with all his manipulative techniques. Putting a label to his personality may mean nothing to you but it helps me make sense of things.
  2. No, I did not make up the whole Narcissistic Personality Disorder ‘thing’ up! Just because you haven’t heard about it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. It is not only my perception. It is real.
  3. No, I did not ‘allow’ him to abuse me! I was not aware that I was being abused. He tricked me with his Trojan horse love bombing subterfuge and once I let him inside my heart, he started his campaign of destruction.
  4. Abuse is abuse, no matter what form it takes! You wouldn’t start comparing different types of cancers if someone told you they had cancer: “Well at least, you ONLY have breast cancer, you could have had lung cancer and that’s much worse!”
  5. Yes, you can get PTSD from a toxic relationship! I heard you scoff, when I said I had PTSD. I haven’t fought in a war or been involved in a car crash but I experienced a violent and sustained assault on my spirit, my psyche, my self-esteem and it left me with many psychological injuries.
  6. Yes, it was that bad! But I didn’t leave because I was surrounded by the darkness of depression and anxiety and I couldn’t find the door out.
  7. Yes, I find it hard to stay No Contact! Threatening me with the loss of your support or friendship if I stay in touch with him does not help me. It is emotional blackmail and I have had enough of being manipulated.
  8. No, “I told you so” is not helpful at all! What else can I say?
  9. No, I can’t JUST forget about it! I need to heal and it takes time. You cannot see my wounds, but it doesn’t mean that they don’t exist and that I am not suffering. You wouldn’t ask someone with a broken leg to just walk it off.
  10. Yes, I need to do it my way. It might not be the way you would deal with things but regaining control is part of my healing journey. I might make mistakes along the way, but I will get there. All I need is your support and understanding.

I think I’m about done with my ranting and raving. When we keep our emotions bottled up, one day the bottle cracks.

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30 comments

  1. Pascale it’s annoying isn’t it? Absolutely with you on this.
    I wrote a post on a similar subject a while back. Unfortunately narcissistic abuse is not something you understand until you have experienced it and even if you have there are diffeent degrees.
    Pathological people exist across a broad spectrum.
    Everybody has to deal with it in their own time in their own way..

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Pascale, do you read my mind? Thank you for always writing what I’m feeling and thinking, and well…for knowing exactly where I am on this long journey. I was told two weeks ago I am lucky to be walking and talking and despite telling his family that, I got the response that I did that I posted. Screw them! They are the bullies, not me for speaking up!

    Liked by 2 people

      • You have no idea how much your validation means! I always feel I should be the bigger person but that’s how I ended up here. For me, after years of feeling muzzled and made to feel crazy, purging the lies and secret is comparable to being freed from the dungeon I’ve been held captive in. Facts were always irrelevant – i also realized, it wasn’t just him, it was his entire family. So…thank you. I admire you and your ability to write, and as I said earlier the validation means a lot.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes! Exactly! I empathize with your experience, people really need to stop victim shaming. It perpetuates abusive relationships. -_- I heard all that from friends and family and got to the point I had to walk away from a lot of connections because they endorsed abuse. You have my support.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are always rational and posed. I don’t know how you do it. Maybe my physical limitations keep the fire hotter – For example, I can’t drive. Kids easter break is coming up and I can’t drive them 2 hours to go to the beach. And then….I get mad 🙂 Hopefully soon, this too shall pass.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Reblogged this on The Tie Dyed Hippie Shaman and commented:
    Whether you have experienced this first hand or know someone who has (or IS) been in such a relationship PLEASE leave these kinds of comments/judgments at the door. We simply NEED Love and Support. Surviving and the Healing any kind of trauma(s) happens in each our own time. Think of the Journey as the 5 stages of Grief. And like ANY loss, even the “loss of Self” each step takes however long it takes.
    Namaste

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Good on you sweetie!!! … Unless someone has been through a relationship or had parents/siblings with NPD they simply cannot understand … Narcs are Narcs, they are like people on drugs, they change to suit themselves and their need for gratification … Once discovered Narcs turn everything back on the person who has caught them out … (((gentlehugz))) and support from DownUnder … Take care xxx

    Like

  7. Reblogged this on narcissistic truth and commented:
    There are so many people in the world who are now in recovery after being subjected to the wrath of being in a twisted relationship with a narc … I’ve recently found another who also has a blog that you may like to follow and give support to … Take care xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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